Ok, so I get it. When you’re a new therapist, you really have no experience to go on so you rely on what you were taught and how you interpreted those teachings. But one thing I would think they would learn, is how to keep an open mind and not let their preconceived ideas cloud the treatment of their patients. I mean, sure, we all have our preconceived notions about others, and usually those are formed in a large part by our own experiences. But my experiences are not yours any more than yours are mine, and not everybody fits neatly into a box, even when it’s statistically likely.
Yes, I experienced sexual abuse as a child. There is no question there. Yes, I remain detached and distant as a result of years and years of that being my coping mechanism.
But I’ve never touched, looked at, or even thought about my daughters in a sexual way.
So why is my daughters therapist insisting she has dissociative disorder because she keeps insisting I never molested her. I’ve had that discussion with her (the therapist) on no less than three occasions – I have never touched my daughters. It was done to me and I absolutely hated what it did. So why would I do that to somebody I love? I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I haven’t.
My daughter has likewise told her (or so it has been reported to me) on no less than 4 occasions that I have never touched her.
Yet the therapist keeps bringing it up.
OK… so statistically, am I more likely to sexually abuse than people who did not experience CSA as a child? Of course. But “more likely” is not “guaranteed”.
Statistically, I should be dead, strung out, or in prison. But I’m not.
And she knows this, yet she seems to be on a mission to uncover something that isn’t there.
And the ironic thing is, I have never been really physically close to my daughters for precisely this reason. I know the statistics. I know what people think. I know the judgements people make, and I can’t think of anything worse than being accused of molesting my own children. So I keep my distance, which has led to it’s own slew of issues. But it is people like this, with attitudes of self-righteousness and armed with basic knowledge that cause people like me to hang back for fear of being accused.
And who suffers as a result?
So this therapist, who is supposed to be helping my daughter deal with the fact that her and I have never really been close, is engaging in the very behavior that has helped cause the issue she has been hired to help fix.
Well, *had* been hired to help fix. Obviously she is not the right fit.
In the meantime, I’m waiting for a call back from her boss who runs the practice to discuss this. Interestingly enough, her boss is one of my former therapists. One of three, out of easily 15 or so, that I actually made progress with. One of the few people in this world that I have felt has been on my side no matter what. I’m fairly confident she knows I would never touch my daughter… and fairly confident she will listen to what I have to say and take it to this other therapist in a way that will make her not make these kinds of assumptions in the future.
But who knows… I’ve spent my life under a cloud of suspicion. I’ve fought it year after year. And every time I think I’ve dug my way out, along comes yet another person with their assumptions and do-goodery (yeah, I know that isn’t a word) to pull that rug out from under my feet.